Jesus died for somebodies sins, probably mine

The human species have always loved three things in life, the only constants throughout our history; sex, drugs and rock and roll. Sex of course speaks for itself, as for alcohol according to the National Geographic we’ve had a 9,000 year old love affair with the intoxicating magic drinks. Rock and roll didn’t arrive until 50’s but hey who wouldn’t get happy on the 6th century AD alternative of a hardcore lyre refrain? I’d always had my suspicions of our Christian hero Jesus since hearing teacher read out the water into wine story. ‘What a guy,’ I thought, ‘ready to give everyone a good time whilst also healing the sick and resurrecting himself from the dead’. He was surely not immune to the three unavoidable human tendencies. After much attentive wikipedia cross referencing I’ve come to this academically informed conclusion; Jesus was a bootlegger, i.e illegal producer of high quality vino. So I’m no expert on ancient history alcohol consumption regulations but just take a look at the stories. Firstly is it pure coincidence that the wine/water story appears as one of the first of Jesus’ miracles, shortly after Noah begins tending a vineyard? The miraculous wine appearance is then followed by all the other crazy s**t going down; the healing of lepers (who isn’t feeling healed after a couple of reds), the association with prostitutes (everyone is equal in the eyes of red tinted glasses), the feeding of the 5,000 (yeh kebabs taste like the first food at three am). This is also why nobody can truly agree on what happened in those days, even Jesus’ crew themselves. His mother Mary had drunk so much of the good stuff she’d gone around telling everybody she was a ‘virgin’ and if that’s not a Saturday night grape infused fantasy then I don’t know what is.

Bio

The fatal flower is the perverted shy girl, the one you wouldn’t suspect. Under a soft exterior lies a complex being with an unyielding wildness, anchored to the earth by her humble nature and inexplicable dry humour. She is the femme of now, the modern woman who’s thoughts transcend through cultures and time.

Over the coming months let ‘La Fleur Fatale’ be your guide to the hidden insights and stories of a watchful woman’s eye navigating through the ‘European’ way of life. Struggles and mishaps ensue as life is embraced and the thorny introvert femme clammers for life’s answers. All possible subjects are covered from death to Kim Kardashian and from sisterhood to the perfect strawberry frappe.

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