Here's my number, call me maybe

This is crazy but there is one, immediate, fear above all others in the case of Millennials, it is not the climate crisis, nor the fear that the far right are taking over (even though these are of course rational fears to have); it is instead the fear that someone might cross the unspoken technological boundary and decide to call you instead of instant messaging. Staring at a screen blazing with a flashing ‘unknown number’ is about as terrifying as an unexpected doorbell ring, at dinnertime. Who could it be? It’s one of the few following options; your grandmother, the guy that reads your electric meter or, the police. Why do you always assume it’s the police when you haven’t committed a crime since you stole some sweets aged six? Someone out there wants to talk to you, spontaneously. Even worse, when it’s a number of a friend you’re avoiding/hadn’t replied to yet/wants something from you. How do you know what you’re saying is the right thing if you don’t have the aid of emojis, hilariously accurate and expressive GIFs and most importantly, time to absorb all the possible meanings of your friend’s words in order to produce the desired response? Speaking on the telephone is like trying to perform theatre improvisation. You must consider tonality, noise level (of that around you and that of your own voice, not to be annoying to everyone else on the train) intonation, and, you must find very quickly the right things to say. This is hard work, you should have at least a three minute warning before an actual phone call comes through. The best thing to do in these situations is to pretend that it isn’t happening. Just stare at the screen and panic until it’s over. So next time you want me you know what to do, don’t call me baby.

Bio

The fatal flower is the perverted shy girl, the one you wouldn’t suspect. Under a soft exterior lies a complex being with an unyielding wildness, anchored to the earth by her humble nature and inexplicable dry humour. She is the femme of now, the modern woman who’s thoughts transcend through cultures and time.

Over the coming months let ‘La Fleur Fatale’ be your guide to the hidden insights and stories of a watchful woman’s eye navigating through the ‘European’ way of life. Struggles and mishaps ensue as life is embraced and the thorny introvert femme clammers for life’s answers. All possible subjects are covered from death to Kim Kardashian and from sisterhood to the perfect strawberry frappe.

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