Bread

Although considered a staple food by the Oxford English Dictionary, bread has become the accursed food of the poor. You're constantly advised not to eat it, especially if it is white, sliced and pre-packaged (a terror of a thing invented by English heathens). Bread must be handmade, slowly baked, gluten free, made from local wheat, brown, seeded and blessed by the pope before it is consumable for the average health conscious citizen. Just one ounce of gluten in your body could lead to; heart disease, restlessness, fat, slow-wittedness and in the worst cases, bloating. I feel particularly sorry for this baked devil good, it has been the foundation of society for so long. Believe me in the eighteenth century when your ancestors amounted to little more than sheep shearers a crust of bread thrown out by your master dripping in pig fat would look as tasty as a five course dinner at the Osteria Francescanaat (don’t worry if you don’t get the reference darling, it’s a place only for the refined). Bread has literally been what has kept the proletariat alive all these years, without it we’d all be eating tulip bulbs like Audrey Hepburn during the second world war (the secret to a good figure?). Suddenly that bacon sandwich between slices of white industrialised demon bread looks quite appealing. The only real devils here are the women who expect nothing less than for you to go out into your local park foraging for food as it is ‘much more nutritional than regular food’, even though there are several other dangers including dog piss, poisonousness berries/mushrooms, flashers, rapists, drug addicts etc. etc.

(a side note on bread; do not feed to ducks, it’s bad for them)

Bio

The fatal flower is the perverted shy girl, the one you wouldn’t suspect. Under a soft exterior lies a complex being with an unyielding wildness, anchored to the earth by her humble nature and inexplicable dry humour. She is the femme of now, the modern woman who’s thoughts transcend through cultures and time.

Over the coming months let ‘La Fleur Fatale’ be your guide to the hidden insights and stories of a watchful woman’s eye navigating through the ‘European’ way of life. Struggles and mishaps ensue as life is embraced and the thorny introvert femme clammers for life’s answers. All possible subjects are covered from death to Kim Kardashian and from sisterhood to the perfect strawberry frappe.

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